Better than a kick in the cockles

2005-07-15T10:14:00.000Z

Yes Mr Robson of course i'll be available or Pre season training!

2005-07-15T10:13:00.000Z

The Boys celebrate!

2005-07-15T10:12:00.000Z

BOING BOING

WBA 2-0 PORTSMOUTH: DREAMS CAN COME TRUE

2005-07-15T09:37:00.000Z

Two months later and i still dont believe it. Even with the fixtures out, new signing coming in and a season ticket in my hand!

The day started terribly. I didn't have a ticket due to circumstances beyond my control. My Dad's mates, Big Paul, everyone in my office, the adjoining warehouse, Preecey, people i haven't spoke to for years, people in the pub etc couldn't help me what was i to do?

Enter a legend. The Twins that's Gay Will and Harry's other Brother Ross did something for me i will never forget. TOP MAN! Ross played for the youth team last season and as such should have had complimentary tickets for this match, Craig Shakespeare (Boo! Hiss!) the villain of the peice, gave away his tickets to new signing Rob Davis, The one who looks like Peter Crouch but shorter with bad hair, so we were both in a predicament. Outside the ground Ross gave me a ticket, after hugging him like a Catholic wishes they could hug the Pope, i found out it came from another player. When through the turnstyles which felt like a shoplifter must feel when exiting HMV with 20 Coldplay albums in his pants, i met Ross who had came in through the players tunnel, telling Shakespeare to get out his way in the politest way you can while using the F word (Yay!). He then took my ticket from me and gave it back to his friend and told me to find a seat. Not easy in a sold out ground full of stewards. After being moved 5 times i managed to get a seat infront of the boxes in the Halfords Lane stand.

The game was possibly the most professional roll over job ever conducted in Football history as Portsmouth's bitter rivals Southampton could have stayed if they beat ManYoo. Chants of "Let the Albion score a goal!" and plenty of Boing Boinging from the Pompey fans left their side knowing exactly where they stood. Our result was never in doubt. Palace lead 2-1 and the mood was very nervous on 86 minutes Charlton equalized and the Hawthornes went Mentle! It was everything we wished and more. Our game played out to a comfortable 2-0. and we waited Desperately for the Palace result. Silence, I was staring with about 50 others at a girl behind me with a radio. When she started Jumping and crying i knew we'd done it! If you take the best orgasm you've ever had times it by a thousand your still no were near how brilliant it felt. Everyone was on the pitch. Mass Boinging!! I did a victory run from the Halfords to the top of the Brummie Road to join my Dad, Brother and big Paul in the cekebrations. If you think football is just a game, you are an idiot these days don't come often and none of us there at the Hawthornes will ever forget where we were on the 15/05/2005.

Harry Redknapp, Iain Dowie, Delia Smith, Rodney bloody Marsh, Dingles, CAN YOU HEAR ME, Nigel Worthington, the whole premier league, the bloody Villa CAN YOU HEAR ME! BOTTOM AT CHRISTMAS MY ARSE!

DEL'S STAG: BLACKPOOL

2005-07-15T09:29:00.000Z

2005-07-15T09:22:00.000Z

THE STAG! CONGRATULATIONS MAN. Hope you had as good a time as the rest of us.

2005-07-15T09:19:00.000Z

It only went downhill from here.

2005-07-15T09:18:00.000Z

top from left: Hills, Gay Will, Copson, Del, Ade and King, Matt King. Bottom: Me and Huxley!

2005-07-15T09:16:00.000Z

See in told you Rough!

Blackpool- DEL'S STAG! April 2005

2005-07-15T07:49:00.000Z

A great weekend lots of beer and stupidity!

I normally go to Blackpool at May bank holiday every year, i now don't know why! The place was kicking lots of stags and hens all up for a laugh, didn't see any trouble at all, which was nice.

FRIDAY- Arrived went on everything at the Pleasure Beach in about an hour and a half with my friend Gay Will, felt rough after so went for a beer. The rest of the lads arrived about six and we went out in time to catch the rough as a bears arse stripper who we'd booked, a moment of clarity for the Stag (Del) and a moment of hilarity for the rest of us as she looked like a cross between Liz McDonald and that old bird off the Bill!From there on to Walkabout which was dead but it was only about 8.30 and the night hasn't even started to warm up, from there we went to Flares where Dancing to the Jackson 5 was the order of the day, we weren't in their long as fear of scouse birds, Gay Will's dancing and Del having to meet his mates in the Crazy Scots mean't we needed to move on. The Crazy Scots is probably a really good crack if you are Scottish! WE ARE NOT! So we tucked ourselves into a corner feeling sheepish and being quiet just in case. A Curry and bed shortly followed. This night didn't end there for some of us, Gay Will has a great way of getting so battered that he loses everyone in a haze of beery madness, I left my phone on so i could go and let him in when he rolled up as he normally does. My phone went and I snored louder to drone it out. about two hours later Matt the King woke to the sound of James Brown screaming out of my phone. It was a freezing cold night, with chilly winds blowing in from the sea. When Matt answered the door he found laying to the porch and shivering wreck. I think Matt's description was ' Do you remember Luke Skywalker nearly freezing to death at the start of Empire'.

SATURDAY- Began for me and Will at about 12.30pm. Breakfast, big, greasy and lots of it followed. We met the rest in the Dutton Arms at about 2pm. I'm not a betting but the Grand National is always worth a flutter and had to scream in pleasure when climaxing with a Thai massue......Sorry winning on the National £35.00 CASHBACK! The rest of night is a bit cloudy, i know we went to The Auctioneer, The Manchester(where Del was handcuffed to a Lamppost and covered in treacle by his Police homies), Then up to the Gayiety's (Yes i know a very unfortunate name) Kareoke Bar. Always good for Hens and stags, we walked in to be accosted by a group of cheeky scouse Nuns, we had a dance and a giggle and managed to escape but not before Will had made us look like what could only be described as Tits by putting him and I down for Hammer to Fall by Queen, i don't know if its just me but Kareoke should only be sung by one person at a time and you should never pick bloody Queen! No one sings like Freddie especially two pissed blokes from Tipton. From there to Yates were women in PVC were waiting to flirt with Del and Matt, this got boring after a while so we took the lenghy trip to Rumours, after this hike we got in and danced like fools for hours, then we met a few girls from Walsall, they were a right laugh and when Rumours shut we all scooted off Kebab in hand to their B&B with the promise of open bar the last person falls, a promise brilliantly fulfilled as the mad cockney behind the bar was having a great time putting on AC/DC and Metallica while trying to chat up every bird there with his Wife looking on. A you can tell by this write up Gay Will is a crap drunk who cannot handle his ale, He fell asleep at about 3am which of course meant he was fair game, so by the time everyone had got there photos of him, willy to the wind, it was about 4am when the owner of the B&B walked past and said quite poetically "He's got naffin ta show fur imself, as he!". Maybe Del turning him into a Moari Warrior with permenant marker was a bit far, but was still bloody funny!

SUNDAY- Got in at 6am woke up by The King at 9.30 the Bastard. Had hangover went home.

2005-05-22T07:15:00.000Z

Poor groundsman

2005-04-20T18:42:00.000Z

This picture doesn't do those ribs justice.

Goodbye and Good Luck!!!!!

2005-04-20T18:32:00.000Z

On Sunday i said 'See you soon' to my little sister Helen Powney. She will for the next 8 months be laying on a beach drinking Sangria or doing the Hokey Cokey with 5 five year olds. If you see this Helen have a great time don't let anything get you down and know that we will all miss you but understand that it's time you had some fun!

All our love

Chris, Sarah and Oli XXX

PS- If anyone want's to leave Merelli a message please do so by clicking on the comments link below.

2005-04-20T18:28:00.000Z

Mmm, bloody big Pie!!!!!

Eating all the Tipton Pies

2005-04-20T17:48:00.000Z

DATE: FRIDAY 15/04/05 (the Wife's birthday)

PLACE: The Tipton Pie Factory, Hurst Lane, Tipton

The Pie Factory is a strange, original, bizarre little creature located off a main road in deepest darkest Tipton. On entering the first thing you notice is the barrels, the pigs heads(not real, so calm down don't use all your energy up you silly weak little veggies) and the sawdust on the floor which seems to get more and more on every visit. The place has a very rustic feel, the tables mostly look like something may have been recently slaughtered on them.

Also the Pie Factory is an Irish pub that doesn't flaunt it, under the Mad O'Rourkes banner you are guaranteed a decent pint of Guiness on every visit. Anyway that's enough of the yacking, down to the pies!!!!

First the Cow pie arrived in front of my big sister Kathy, currently eating for two, with two horns sticking out of it Desperate Dan styley. A full meal in a pie, potatoes, Steak, Kidney and veg suffice to say much was left and Kath and her impending child were left fully fed and sweaty. Also liitle sister Helen, currently doing the Chacha slide in Menorca, had ordered a rack of ribs, what arrived looked more like a fat dead piglet but no one complained. Add all this to the Wife's mixed grill being served on a Shovel, which was surprisingly clean, and the food was top notch, although there is no diet option and the staff would probably slap or laugh at you if you asked for one!

A good night out which on weekends at the Pie Factory is rounded off by Local caberet which this week came from the one and only Tom Jones!!! or a guy who looked more like Nick Knowles(DIY SOS) with a bloody booming voice personally i didn't know Tom Jones did Amarillo but took great pleasure in marching back and forth to it with the barmaid and the chef.

All in all a great night out in an original place, unlike the Frankie and Benny of this world, that you could only find tucked around a dark corner in the Black Country.

2005-04-12T18:40:00.000Z

Green Bay.

Green Bay,JB's Dudley 25/03/05

2005-04-12T17:25:00.000Z

First the venue Jb's is the dodgiest little shed venue in the midlands, but that is a good thing! Having been to Jb's to see lots of tribute acts aswell as the likes of The Wildhearts and Pitchshifter, i have to say that Jb's is the best venue I have been to. Holding about a thousand at a push it's a great little venue with great sound and a serious hang up on bad(or good if you like to dance like a fool to Van Halen!) 80's Rawk'n'Roll! with a little room out the back for the Nu-Metallers and i must agree sometimes Rammstein and System of a Down have a serious jump like a fool appeal, the venue really does appeal to the whole spectrum of rock and roll. Also bizarrely in this room is also the greasy spoon, where shit chips and a heart attack burger are the order of the day for sweaty mansonites who probably couldn't get served across the room at the Bar, which, wait for this it's a classy touch, sells not only Guiness, Lager and Newcastle Brown Ale but also Jack daniels and 20/20, surely making it's first appearance at a venue for over 18's and not just on Red House Park.

Another interesting fact about Jb's is that Dudley as a whole has NO and i mean NO (capitals and everything!) other places to listen to Bon Jovi meaning therefore that a high level of women over 40 descend on the place every Friday or Saturday more eagerly as Hoddle to a church, making it and remember i'm married, Milf city for the desperate and eager among us, even and i must stress the EVEN Andy Clarke has been laid by two different women met at this venue.

Anyway...The Band

Tribute bands come in 3 categories Dire(a bad experience with a Freddie Mercury tribute on a Holiday camp springs to mine), OK (Ozzmosis) and GREAT (Limehouse Lizzy). Green Bay come firmly in the verging on GREAT department. I think a love for the band comes second only to the setlist as the makings of a great tribute act, Green Bay don't look a thing like Green Day but they look like they are having a whale of a time during every song and as a fan who has seen Green Day on 4 occasions, i can say the voices aren't perfect, the bass player forgot the lyrics to Longview(ooohh the bugger), but for enthusiasm more than made up for it.

The setlist left no stone unturned even waying in great Ramones and Clash covers(I fought the Law, whichwas covered by Green Day on the soundtrack for some crap US teen movie). Kicking off the set unsurprisingly with a perfect American Idiot, they then managed to surprise everyone with the full nine minutes of Jesus of Suburbia, which i think for a tribute band is quite a risk it would be so easy to just play hits and not lose everyone but the hardcore fans, but these were hardcore fans playing for hardcore fans which as a hardcore fan was a delight. About five songs in the drummer took centre stage a gentleman in dodgy hat with an acoustic guitar walked on and everyone watched looked at each other and said 'Time of your life?' but no what followed was a word perfect version of the hidden track on Dookie 'I was alone'. Sometimes the genius in a tribute band is hearing tracks you never see live and these didn't disappoint 'Nice guys finish last' being just one example and alongside live classics like 'She' and 'King for a Day' which led as it does with Green Day into a Skatastic version of Lulu's 'Shout'.

When it finally got to it everyone who set foot in Jb's that night sang 'Time of your Life' from start to finish A fitting end to a great set and joy of joys, like any good meal followed a fitting dessert, a cheesy rock disco altogether now 'She's got eyes like the bluest sky...'.

The night was only marred by the first act of violence i have seen in Jb's in the 5 years i have been going. Sad but incredibly amusing, During the second song i was having a little skank as you do when all of a sudden a skinhead slammed into my back, i believe i handled this situation quite well and left the centre of the dancefloor, for fear for my glasses and also my ribs looking at the 6foot5 muscular psycho walking up and down with no top on,always the good sign of a true nutter, with a middle finger raised on each side of him. Now what i didn't see was that he slammed into a lady and apparently hurt, I gauge that by the fact she kept trying to approach for maybe a kind apology, but her fella was having none of it. A couple of songs later the boyfriend wen't to the toilet and the Lady landed possibly the best thrown punch i've seen connect WHAT A BEAUTY!!!! The sound it made was louder than the band, as was the cheer. Psycho man was then ejected, possibly to Hospital or maybe to tell his mommy.

www.greendaytribute.com
www.jbsdudley.co.uk

2005-04-04T18:42:00.000Z

My little Baggie!

WEST BROM 1-0 EVERTON

2005-04-04T17:44:00.000Z

Oh yes, It's good to Boing!!!!! The spirit of confidence lacking in recent times has left and we are currently playing the best football seen by West Brom fans in (according to my old man) the last 20 years, may i at this point out we were relegated in 1982 so 20 years ago would put us in the then second division struggling aimlessly.

Ok i'm calming down now let's have a realistic match review. Possibly as convincing as a goalless draw with hardly any goal action can be. The Baggies went out there confident and ready to fight, unlike the Everton side they played who just wanted a fight. It was hard to tell who was fighting for safety and who was fighting for a Champions League spot, on this showing Liverpool don't have much to worry about!

The first half was a none starter apart from hitting the bar with a Neil Clement header the Albion didn't offer much. On the plus side a resolute and confident defence started and finshed the half on top as Everton had about two easily saveable chances on goal.

Ther second half was a different story. The Baggies came out with the same attacking options as the first half but twice the impetus (i think that's how you spell it).Not many teams in the world would leave there hat-trick hero on the bench for the entire game, but somehow we didn't seem to need him. A decent cross seemed to be going out of play until one of the shortest men on the pitch rose above huge Everton defender Joseph Yobo to head home to his bottom right of the goal for the only goal of the game.

Late on Everton played their 'oh bugger what are going to do?' card and brought on big dirty Duncan Ferguson. A problem for some but when you can just bring on West Brom version of the BFG to counteract that, Darren Moore, it really doesn't seem like much of a problem.

All in all a great win confident, assured defence, no nonsense tackling and, more than anyone else struggling at the bottom anyway, good attacking football.

Chant of the day:

Show me the way to Aston Villa
We'll see the goals of Zoltan Gera
And we'll be shitting on the Villa
When Zoltan Gera scored for me

Sha lalalalala
West Brom
Sha lalalalala
West Brom
When Zoltan Gera scores for me!

SUMMARY

We are a premiership team, but playing on borrowed time. I beleive we have as much chance as anyone to stay up but everyone down with us has to play each other so will all pick up points we still have Arsenal, Man Utd, Tottenham and other tasty teams still to play. We have conceded too many late late goals at Norwich, Southampton, Portsmouth, Fulham and at home to Palace which could have done us early, But the key is in the last game at home against Portsmouth. So three points at the Villa to start please (GOD). We where bottom at Christmas but in words of Frank Skinner on Fantasy Football before the last game of the season against Portsmouth in the 93-94 season when we beat them to stay in the First and send the dirty bluenoses down...

BELIEVE!!!!!!!!

2005-03-29T18:45:00.000Z

This one wasn't a virgin!

A little bit more

2005-03-29T18:20:00.000Z

More about me.

Living in deepest darkest Tipton on a council estate called The City (Where men are men and horses are scared). I thought it might be time to talk crap on the tinternet, inspired by that fountain of useless information Phil 'Well spoken bluenose' Huxley.

Anyway here's whats on my mp3 player in case anyone is interested:

AC/DC- You shook me all night long
Babyshambles- Kilamanjiro
Beck-E-PRO
Bloodhound Gang- The ballad of Chasey Lain
Cypress Hill- Insane in the brain(live)
Dandy Warhols- Bohemian like you
Eminem- Guilty Conscience
Franz Ferdinand- Take me out
James Brown- Soul Power
Jay-Z & Linkin Park- 99 Problems
Metallica- The Four Horsemen(Live at Donington)
Queen of the Stone Age- Little sister
Snoop Dogg- Gin & Juice
Green Day- St. Jimmy
System of a down- BYOB
Beastie Boys- Intergalactic
The darkness- Givin up
The Datsuns- Harmonic Generator
Type O Negative- Black no.1

I don't know why that would interest you but it kept me entertained for three seconds.

CHECK BACK TOMORROW FOR GIG REVIEW AND EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED OVER THE EASTER WEEKEND (unsurprisingly not including any kind of unrealistic religious resurrections).

For starters

2005-03-29T18:10:00.000Z

Where shall we begin. I am a 24 year old married father of one currently 4 months old. I hope to show you hopefully that life is not as boring as I think it is.